batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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