It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
