im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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