I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
