Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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