i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
