When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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