i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
