How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
