if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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