Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
