After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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