At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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