I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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