lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
