I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
