I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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