420 ftw
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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