If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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