she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
