Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
