Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
