I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
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