The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
