I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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