i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize