WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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