My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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