I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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