If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize