I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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