i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
