You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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