And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
This is my gift to your gina
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
