I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
