Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
