Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
