Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
