Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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