It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
