I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
