Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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