All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Blood and glitter go together right?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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