the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
