I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
