Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
