worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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