Did you just see the Batmobile???
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Ketchup is God's man juice
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize