No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
