I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Randomize
