I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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