I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
