So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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