dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
