Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
