You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
