i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
