The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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