I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
