so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
