How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
