i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
